Agent Advice

How to set boundaries and protect your mental health

There's a version of this job where you're properly in control. You choose which evenings are yours, which weekends are protected, and who gets to reach you and when, and you still run a successful real estate career alongside it. The listings still come, the sales still happen, but the job fits around your life instead of swallowing it.

That's what boundaries actually buy you: a business that's sustainable for the long haul. The time and headspace to prioritise your wellbeing and properly show up for the people you love, your partner, your kids, your family, your friends.

Getting there starts with a mindset shift, then a handful of practical rules. None of what follows is theory, it's been tested over a fourteen-year real estate career and hundreds of transactions, without the job ever being allowed to turn into a sixty-hour week.

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See yourself as a professional, and others will too

I've never expected to ring my accountant at eight o'clock on a Thursday night. I wouldn't dream of calling my lawyer on a Saturday morning. I see them as valued professionals with their own lives outside of work, and if anything, that adds to how much I trust them.

We rarely extend that same courtesy to ourselves. Somewhere along the way, a lot of us started treating round-the-clock availability as proof of how much we care.

I'll work harder than the agent down the road.
I'm there for my clients no matter the hour.

It sounds committed, but it's worth asking what that habit actually signals to a buyer or seller. In my experience, most owners don't need a salesperson who drops everything the second the phone rings. They want one who's clearly good at the job, in demand, and running a business with some structure to it.

Here's the key part: Buyers and sellers respond to whatever you train them to expect. Answer at 8.30pm once, and you've just taught that client 8.30pm is fine. The good news is you can retrain that just as easily, starting with the next call.

It's ok to let clients sleep on it overnight

There's an old idea in real estate that we can never let a buyer walk away to think something over, that if they don't sign tonight, they might disappear altogether.

Buyers are making one of the biggest financial decisions of their lives. It's completely reasonable for that to take a day, sometimes two. If anything, rushing someone to sign before they've had a night to sleep on it can work against you. People who feel rushed into a decision are far more likely to wake up the next morning with second thoughts than people who were given the space to think it through and arrived at a considered decision.

Buyers have to want the house more than you want the sale

Think about how attractive that positioning is to a buyer. You're helpful, you're kind, you've got the information ready, you're providing a great service, but you don't really care if they buy it or not. Buyers sense your lack of attachment to the outcome immediately and it puts them at ease. They open up more, because they realise you're not trying to talk them into anything.

It's like any relationship - people get turned off if you come on too strong.

You're a coach, a guide, not a salesperson chasing the deal, and buyers and sellers want to deal with a successful salesperson far more than they want your 24/7 access.

The 80/20 rule

Twenty percent of salespeople make eighty percent of the commissions. It applies to clients too. Twenty percent of your clients cause eighty percent of your problems.

Think about the times you've found real estate really stressful, and you can probably draw it back to a small subset of clients. There are going to be times when you need to let a client go, or say no to bad business, to protect your mental health. That's completely acceptable.

Rules to protect your boundaries

Below are the actual rules I ran my business by, and the conversation I'd have with a client who already expects more than I'm prepared to give.

Every listing goes into a campaign wherever possible

Auction, tender, deadline sale, whatever works for you. With the bulk of my listings in campaigns, I know which weeks are going to be busy, so I can plan around them and trust the quiet weeks to stay quiet. This allows you to book in date nights, family time, and catch-ups with friends, knowing you won't have to cancel at the last minute because a hot buyer needs your attention.

If a buyer wants to see a property at 8pm on a Friday in week one of a three-week campaign, I can say:

"Unfortunately, I'm booked up Friday night, but there's an open home Sunday at 12pm, or I can take you through Monday at 4.30pm, what's best for you?"

You're not disadvantaging the vendor in that situation, there's still two and a half weeks of the campaign left.

Give buyers instant access to property information

Use a platform like propertyfiles so buyers can register and download the LIM, title and disclosure documents themselves. It gives them instant service without you having to be available to answer emails all day.

Turn your phone off at 6.30pm

Putting it on silent and telling yourself you won't check it never works, the second you see a missed call your mind goes straight to the worst case scenario. So it has to actually be off. I ran a second phone for a stretch, and that number stayed reserved for my partner, my family and a handful of close friends.

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I personally turned my phone off on Saturdays too, but I realise that can be challenging in some markets.

Choose your time off and protect it

Personally, I had a rule of no appointments on Friday afternoons or Saturdays, except for very occasional exceptions (like getting a final initial on a contract).

If a buyer asks for a viewing on Saturday at 10am:

"I'm completely booked up on Saturday, but there's an open home Sunday at 1, or I can do Friday at 2.30pm, or Monday at 4.30pm, which of those works best for you?"

Giving two or three options instead of asking what suits them keeps you in control, and it tells the buyer you're busy, which is exactly the impression you want to give.

Avoid viewings after 6pm

You have to fight to protect your personal time. If you ask the buyer "When would you like to go through?" You are going to end up doing viewings on a Friday night at 7:30pm.

Instead, give them 3 options like in the script above: "I can show you through at 1pm or 4:30pm on Wednesday, or at 5pm on Thursday. Which of those suits you best?"

As a result, buyers will often work to your schedule. They'll work from home that day, or visit during their lunch break. But if they do push back:

Buyer: "We don't finish work until 5:30pm. Can't you do something later?"

I would respond along the lines of:

"How quickly can you get to the property after work? I can move some things around and do 5:45pm on Thursday for you? Otherwise, we have the open home on Sunday at 2pm."

At the very least, ask the buyer more qualifying questions on the phone to ascertain how motivated they are. There's no point giving up your personal time unless they are an absolute A buyer.

I realise for many of you this might sound crazy but setting boundaries means holding firm on your commitments to yourself. It means not cancelling that gym class just to show a buyer through a house. Or skipping date night to sign up an offer.

Resetting expectations with an existing client

If a client's already used to calling anytime, don't just start ignoring them, have the challenging conversation. Ask what their expectations around communication actually are. If they say they want to hear from you daily, tell them what you're prepared to do instead, something like:

"I'll send you a text each morning around ten, does that work for you?"

Define it, get their agreement, then stop answering the calls that fall outside it.

The vast majority of clients are lovely, kind and considerate. There are always a few bad eggs, and if they're not prepared to work with your schedule, you're allowed to let them go. They'll respond to however you train them. Whatever expectation you set is the expectation they'll carry.

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Buyers and sellers respond better to a salesperson who's clearly in demand and clearly good at the job than one who's available every hour of every day.